i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
