I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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