you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
