pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
