Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
