Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
