this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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