Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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