but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
