Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
