Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
