You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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