I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize