he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
