so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
