I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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