my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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