i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
