Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
