That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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