Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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