Will you blow on my dice?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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