my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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