He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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