i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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