the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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