i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
