I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
