No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
