I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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