An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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