i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
