You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
look no pants
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize