i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
