I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We left the knife in your bed.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize