your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
