Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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