how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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