And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It's Friday. Sex?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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