it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
