I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
