i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
