I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
