have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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