vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
