Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
