he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize