i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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