Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize