So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
How's work?
Spinning.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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