i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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