Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
