Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
