im drinking this country out of the recession.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
