Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
