How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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