Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize