dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
