K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
