Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
