I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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