There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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