Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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