Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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