Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
