No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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