i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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