so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
