I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
