This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
