Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
