Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
